my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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