I feel great
I just peed on a car
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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