I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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