Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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