Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's blow job season.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
