I want you more than these girls want KFC
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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