you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
