If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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