Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
