I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
