Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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