You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
