she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
