dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize