And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
