the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
