I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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