I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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