You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I will pee on everything he values.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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