I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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