Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
