Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
