You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
