so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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