ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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