my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
