If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
