I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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