he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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