Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
