Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
