lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
