sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
