It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
