somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
