i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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