nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
