i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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