I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
