So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
