I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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