i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
