Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
