DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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