I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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