The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
