Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
