I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
