Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
