He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
