if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
COCAINE IS GR8
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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