Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Farmville is her only friend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
