Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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