so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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