My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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