I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
