He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
