Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
