I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
