my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We need to rekindle our bromance
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
