seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
