dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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