i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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