What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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