Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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