I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
