Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
