So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
