I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
