but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
