we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
