I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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