no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
