So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
