3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
