I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
