lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
