You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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