you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
