My hand turned me down
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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