my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
