I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
