Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize