I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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