Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
